Being Picky Makes Life Fucking Hard

I’m ridiculously picky about my Tarot and Oracle decks. Disgustingly so. And it makes my life fucking difficult.

Some people are like, “I stopped by my local metaphysical shop and grabbed a new deck!” You…you just GRABBED one? Like you went there and they actually had one you liked? They’ll say, “Well, they have like 30 different decks to choose from–”

Stop it. My local metaphysical shop has 50 decks and I hate them all.

No flowers.

No goddamn angels.

I don’t want to hear about fucking faeries unless they’re Brian Froud.

Animals are fine, but they need to be stylized nicely.

No cutesy bulging-eyed bullshit.

No white backgrounds.

No abstract colored/mandala cards–I have the On High Tarot, thank you very much, and all this other shit will never be nearly as good.

No crystal cards. I have actual crystals.

No romance novel covers.

No neo “goth” decks with scantily-glad Hot Topic girls crying mascara and drooling blood.

No photograph decks.

No mermaids.

No ugly people.

I don’t connect with Asian-style decks, even though I love how some of them look.

Get that Christo-Pagan shit away from me.

No comic book illustrations.

Did I mention fuck angels?

Also, I have weird “balance” rules. Gender: I want females AND MALES in my deck. And I want the genders to be impartial. If there are men on two cards and they’re both “knight-in-shining-armor” on a white horse bullshit–that’s still an all female deck. Alternatively, a deck full of naked women lounging their way through the major arcana with couple iron-clad men is a male deck.

Which brings me to my next issue: nudity. Please, draw me some naked people. Really. But not just for the sake of drawing titties. I want the nudity to have a fucking reason. It needs to add meaning to the cards. This is the tarot, for Christ’s sake, it’s supposed to be a striking depiction of the human condition, not a fucking porno. I want naked men and women, thanks.

So, with all of those parameters, decks I like are hard to find.

Do you have special “rules” when it comes to your decks? Or am I the only asshole with 500 specifications?


The Raven’s Prophecy Tarot Review

Don’t even act like you didn’t just come here for the pictures.




This deck has literally leapt from the pages of Maggie Stiefvater’s book series: The Raven Cycle. If that turned you off of this deck, from the very bottom of my heart, fuck you. This deck is absolutely full little pieces of the books, placed neatly into the cards’ meanings. Can you use it without reading the books? Sure. But why the fuck would you?



Okay, so, I’m about to say some weird shit: this guidebook is absolutely perfect for the beginning tarot reader. It’s clear, it’s witty, and it’s memorable.


That being said, I would not recommend the actual deck itself to a complete beginner. Especially a beginner who has never read The Raven Cycle books. The only reason being that the artwork on the cards is…sparse.


There just isn’t too much to remind a novice reader (or any reader for that matter) of the card’s meaning.

There’s an easy fix for this, though. READ THE FUCKING BOOKS.

Arguably, most striking thing about the deck is Maggie’s use of hands throughout it. These hands, marked with the suits of the tarot, belong to a young man who has sacrificed his freedom to become the eyes, ears, and hands of a rather fussy ley line in order to save his friends.


His hand first appears as The Magician, clenches with Strength, and protectively cups the little glow of The Sun. His hands dominate the Swords suit and grace several of the Wands cards. The power comes from the simplicity of these cards.

The energy I get from this deck is decidedly masculine while simultaneously feeling very inward-focused. A perfect example of this is The Sun card. Rather than a big beaming Sun brightening an entire city, this is a private little light, cradled in the hands.


Also, there is no shortage of Ravens, flames, and other strange, quiet things. I, personally, find this deck great for shadow work.

There are some cards that are very pointedly referring to a certain character from the books. Here are a couple of Richard Gansey III.


Cabeswater, bitches.
Cabeswater, bitches.
Chainsaw, bitches
Chainsaw, bitches
That one sexy dream that turned into a terrible, terrible nightmare, Bitches.
That one sexy dream that turned into a terrible, terrible nightmare, bitches.

There are also some fascinating cards whose artwork kind of goes together. Check out the Four and Five of Wands.

Ahh, everything's so stable and comfy, it's, fuck.
Ahh, everything’s so stable and comfy, it’s just…oh…oops…aw, fuck.

And look at this bullshit progression.


Additionally, I normally fucking hate court cards, but these are beautiful.

Kings and Queens
Kings and Queens

This deck is gorgeous, insightful, and has one hell of a guide with it.


I got mine on Amazon.