78 Tarot Astral Review

You know the deal with the 78 Tarot decks, right? Each card is made by a different artist, and they’re all put together into one amazing, slightly eclectic deck.

There are several different decks under the “78 Tarot” name, but the one that I have is Astral. The illustrations on the cards are loosely held together by the theme of “space shit.”

I also got the Luna Moth Case and Cloth, which is 100% worth getting because they are beautiful and you can get them in a nice little fucking set with the deck.

(Please excuse the hair on the case, my cats are assholes.)

Overall, the deck has a somewhat cluttered feeling. Like an old lady’s house crammed with tables filled with knick knacks. It’s a cozy feeling, though, rather than overwhelming, if that makes sense.

This deck’s strength, as well as its weakness, is the sheer number of makers. Each card can vary wildly from the next.

For me, personally, this has made me use it predominantly for one-card pulls. It’s like asking a single person for advice versus asking a whole room full of people shouting over each other.

This is a very powerful deck and I’ve pulled out the High Priestess to use in spellwork several times. (There’s a photo of her up there with The Chariot.) Each card is rich with symbolism.

The guidebook is amazing. Not only does it contain a story about each card by the artist, but then it also has a suggested reading for the card.

The cardstock is pretty thick, making me feel like it’s durable enough to lug around with me places. The cards are also pretty large, but not too large to work with.

It also has three extra cards, Barrier, Meditation, and Event Horizon.

Do you need this deck?


This shit is a fucking gift.


How to be Spiritual as Holy Fuck

Level One

Smoke weed once

Listen to a podcast about positivity

Purchase a tie-dye Lord Ganesha bedspread

Take one yoga class

Stop sweeping/vacuuming so you can “ground” inside your own house

Look at a rock

Purchase only clothing with “ethnic” prints, but make sure they’re never made by the people whose ethnicities they’re from

Google images of mountains and look at them

Constantly bitch about gluten

Remind yourself every morning that you have nothing to work on changing ever because you’re perfect
Level Two

Purchase yoga pants made out of old water bottles and never stop talking about it so everyone knows how spiritual you are

Eat Mediterranean food but don’t actually go to a restaurant owned and operated by people who have immigrated from any Mediterranean countries because they’re weird and foreign

Purchase all of the positive affirmation books available on Amazon

Insist that every natural consequence is karma

Light candles when something bad happens to other people
Never shut the fuck up about your heart chakra

Maybe take a second yoga class

Get white girl dreads

Keep a journal of how you’re better than everyone else

Start listening to Bob Marley
Level Three

Purchase your entire wardrobe from Free People

Purchase “grounding sheets” for your bed

Purchase a Llewellyn Witch’s Calendar

Purchase 40 different malas but only use them as accessories

Purchase a bunch of shit Gweneth Paltrow is hawking

Throw your tv in the trash

Purchase a dreamcatcher made by white people

Go to the ER to have a yoni egg removed

Set up a blog and make the whole thing purple

Write fucking lists telling other people how to be spiritual

Tarot Mat with Pocket Crochet Pattern

Free pattern, bitches.

This is more of a recipe than a pattern, mostly because decks are all different sizes and people’s preferences and all that shit.

Anyway, this pattern is for a tarot case that rolls out into a little mat for a three-card reading. 

Now for this bullshit: This pattern is written using US terms. Do not try to sell this pattern, as I am posting it here FOR FREE on purpose.

Here’s what I have:

The deck I want my case to fit

Needle for weaving in ends

Worsted yarn

An H 5mm crochet hook

I recommend an H hook for this pattern, unless your yarn is a particularly thin worsted, then go down to a G. We want this nice and tight. (The ball band is long gone, but I’m pretty sure the yarn I have is Paton’s Classic Worsted.) 

The texture of this pattern is created by the sedge stitch.

Create a slip knot, leaving an 8 to 10 inch tail (for sewing up one side later).

Chain a multiple of three. (You want to have this be a bit longer than the long side of your deck.) Here, I chained 21.

HDC in the SECOND CHAIN from the hook. This one:

The chain you skipped counts as the first SC of the first cluster here and throughout.

DC in the same stitch.

*Skip 2 CH, SC HDC DC all in the same stitch.* Repeat until you have one chain left. SC in the final chain.

Your first row will kind of look like shit, as first rows often do.

CH 1 and turn. (This chain counts as your SC for the first cluster.) Then HDC and DC in the very first SC from the previous row.

*Skip two stitches and SC, HDC, DC in the same stitch.* Each cluster should be in the SC’s from the previous row. If not, you fucked up somewhere. Finish the row with a SC in the turning chain from the previous row. This is kind of a bitch to find, so I just stab it in there somewhere.

It will probably be 4 or 5 rows in until you really start to see the pattern.

Now just keep going, the sedge stitch is a one row repeat. 

Test it every once in a while to see how it’s coming along. Once it’s long enough to wrap comfortably around your deck once, you’re about half way finished with this part.

Continue until you can wrap your deck once in your piece and lay out three cards on it like this:

Just for reference, my piece is 17″ at this point. Now we’ll begin decreasing.

CH 2 and turn. Skip the first SC and next two stitches, then put your SC, HDC, DC in the next SC. Like this:

I basically skipped the first cluster of the row. We’ll be decreasing one cluster on each side each row. So continue with your clusters until you have two clusters left.

SC in the next SC, leaving the last cluster of the previous row unworked.

CH 2 and turn. Skip the first SC and the next two stitches. SC, HDC, DC cluster in the next SC. Put clusters in each SC until there are two clusters left, then place a SC in the next SC, leaving the last cluster of the previous row unworked.

Repeat decreasing rows until you’re down to either one or two clusters (this depends on how many you chained to begin with). Finish off.

Now, bust out your needle and attach it to that 8 to 10″ tail you left at the beginning. Fold up the bottom edge of your piece, using your deck to measure, and whip stitch along one side to form the pocket that your deck goes in.

Attach a length of yarn to the other side and whip stitch the other side of the pocket. Weave in all your ends. 

It should look something like this. From here, it’s just a matter of finishing touches. You could add a button closure, a long chain to wrap around it, beads, fringe, patches, appliques, whatever shit you want on it.

The Mountain Path Tarot Spread

Here’s another tarot spread I created and have been using for a while.

The Mountain Path Spread
1. To Find a Trail or Forge One: follow others’ examples or not?

2. Machete: How to move obstacles on your journey.

3. Shelter: What to remember when times are tough.

4. Forked Road: Which way to go

5. Summit: What you need to remember when you succeed.

6. Descent: What’s next

I Used to Think People Like my In-laws were a Myth

I guess I was a dumb ass little kid.

The elementary school I went to was less than 10% white. It was also a magnet school for the more seriously disabled students in the district. The foundation on which I built my worldview was that this was the way the world looked. My middle school did nothing to discourage this worldview. My high school had a higher white population and the students tended to somewhat segregate themselves, but it was very liberal and we even had the good ol’ Westboro Baptist Church protest at it for our lgbt acceptance.

Let me tell you: I was not ready for the “real world.”

I was the kind of kid who preferred the company of the ESL kids (English second language). They tended to speak less and what they did have to say was interesting. Sometimes I sat at the “lesbian table.” (Which I didn’t discover that they were all lesbians until my senior year and which did not effect my friendship with them at all.) 

In high school gym class, there was a young man with facial tics. He was very quiet and people tended to talk at him more than to him. We hung out. His name was Tyler. We started dating. Then one day, he brought me to meet his family.

Up until this moment, I thought that people like his family were a myth. A gross exaggeration used as entertainment on tv. As it turns out, they are very real.

As I stepped through the door, his older brother turned and said, “Wow. You brought a Mexican?”

For the record, I am actually not Mexican.

Tyler froze in the doorway in terror. 

Tyler’s mother, noticing that there was a potential problem, interjected, “I think he just means that you’re not really the type of girl these boys usually bring home.”

This did not solve the problem.

Tyler’s father looked up from the tv and said to me, “It’s not a bad thing necessarily.”

As if I needed his reassurance that I wasn’t a bad thing. As if his graciousness assuaged my fears that, alas, even though I was a lowly, useless not-quite-white person, he would allow me into allow me into his home.

The problem continued from there. From confederate flag belt buckles to lifted trucks with smokestacks to spouted racial slurs and rampant homophobia, they were something straight out of an ugly fairyland. 

When Tyler proposed to me a couple years later, only my mother knew beforehand. His father was furious. His mother was disappointed. I settled in for a lifetime of telling them to fuck off.

I helped Tyler find a psychiatrist who diagnosed his Tourette’s Syndrome and prescribed him medication to help control his tics. His parents didn’t “believe in” things like that.

My in-laws are willing to help us when we need it, but delight in hating everything I do along the way.

A couple weeks ago, my car’s alternator took a shit. It was towed to the nearest place it could stay: my father-in-law’s welding shop. A couple days later it was brought to my in-laws’ house where Tyler fixed it.

When I got it back:

Naturally, I was liks, “Who the fuck wrote on my bumper sticker?”

It was either someone who worked for my father-in-law (which is basically just his sons and nephews) or someone at my in-laws’ house.

But since I pointed it out, of course, I’m the bad guy. I’m “starting a stink and it’s probably about time you take that bumper sticker off now anyway, don’t you think? I mean, he’s not President anymore and you can just peel it off.”

Excuse you, bitch? Maybe your stupid fuck nephew shouldn’t vandalize other people’s shit.

Pop Culture and the Tarot

I once heard someone say that they don’t “do pop culture in their tarot.”

It wasn’t necessarily snooty, but it got me thinking: fucking why?

Is the human condition so much less meaningful now than it used to be? Do our struggles only count if we shit in the gutter and die in our 14th childbirth but we only have eight kids alive? Our hard times and good times have changed as we’ve progressed as a species, but they’re still just as important. 

Old things hold magick, but so do new things. A new, wild idea is just as powerful as a tried and true tradition. 

Popular culture is a great way to make the ideas of magick, and especially tarot, real and relatable. 

Jesus and Odin made sacrifices, but so did Harry Potter and Gansey. 

Here’s an example: According to learntarot.com, the King of Pentacles is, “enterprising, adept, reliable, supporting, and steady.” Okay. Great. But what does that look like? What does a King of Pentacles look like in action?


But if I said Julian from Trailer Park Boys, bam. You know the kind of person I’m talking about. 

Or hey, remember that time Donald Trump became the President of the United States?

I drew the Seven of Cups…what does that mean?

There’s just so many options.

Hey, I drew the Seven of Wands, what does that mean?



I will use my Legend of Zelda tarot deck until the day I die, because I see no difference between that and outdated versions of events and people.

Tarot Spread: Singing Over the Bones

Seeing as it’s the Autumnal Equinox/Mabon, I figure it’s a good time to share one of my tarot spreads. I make a lot of these and write them down, and I need to stop hoarding them.

This spread was inspired by the story of “LaLoba” in Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Est├ęs. If you haven’t been reading this book, what the hell have you been doing?

Anyway, here goes:

1. You: Your present state.

2. Find the Bones: what have you lost/let die?

3. Assemble the Bones: Why did you let it die?

4 & 5: The Song: How to bring it back to life.

6. The Spirit: What will this bring to or bring back to your life?